| HELLO, LIVEJOURNAL. |
[26 May 2006|04:18pm] |
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hellogoodbye-homewrecker |
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Well Hello, did you miss me? I decided to write in here because I constantly check this to see if all of you update, but I'm the one with the lack of posts.
Anyway, I don't know much about any of you who read this anymore. It makes me quite sad, and I realized this is Memorial Day Weekend, one year ago I went to Project Nehemiah and had the best weekend of my life. I promised myself to go this year...
Life is really still beautiful despite everything that may go wrong. Since a lot of you don't really know much about me anymore, I'm just going to mention what happened today, and it wasn't exactly good.
Lately, I've been complaining how bored of school I was. I'm so bored to tell you the truth. I'm so bored of the people there, the type of things that go on, I mean, I really HATED my freshman year. It's been the worst year of my life. Well, today in tutorial my english teacher I guess had something to say about it. She called me up in front of the class and asked me to sit down. By the way, she means to do this in private but really its so dead silent and she talks so loud its like shes telling the class. Constantly she's been pulling me aside asking me why I'm so sad lately. I just tell her, "Miss Hanson, it's 8 in the morning. I had 3 hours of sleep. Please cut me some slack here." And she understood and left me alone. But this time she had to get in my face about it. I guess she caught me giving a dirty look in class yesterday and she approached me about it. She asked me how that made her feel. I responded, "hurt." She said, "Disappointed. Surprised. Appalled. Upset. Insulted." I apologized but that didn't seem to be enough. "You come into this class like you don't like what we do, you don't like school at all, and your attitude and behavior is just a mess. Why should I give recommendations to colleges about you. You have turned into some bad kid now Angela. You've turned into a horrible person. What is wrong with you? You are the one who chose to be in this class now why do you act this way. You've become disrespectful, rude, mean, and just a bad person. You give others the impression of something they don't even want to go near."
Water formed behind my eyes, and I just blinked. Tears came strolling down my face. The funny this is, This isn't the first time I heard this speech. Miss Hanson looked at me stunned. I can tell she wasn't expecting me to cry. Actually, she was expecting me to like fight back, because that's exactly the type of person I am, really. I looked to the side, and I looked back to her and she was just pale and her eyes were watery. She was scared. I don't think anyone has ever cried from her words before. "Do you want to go to the bathroom?" I nodded embarassingly. But I was scared to get up. I knew 32 pairs of eyes were staring at me, and I knew most of them happened to be some of my closest friends. I just ran out of the classroom in tears crying and I notice the bathroom is locked. Frick, now I have to go back. So I go back and she gets keys and comes with me. Now this is even more awkward. "Look, I didn't really mean to make you cry..." and I just sighed and she opened the bathroom door for me, but when she closed it I noticed that she locked it. Great, my english teacher just locked me in a dark bathroom to just let me pity myself. I come back to the class still crying, and well. That was my day.
If anything, this whole situation taught me something. Number one, I'm a crybaby. Number two, how was this encouraging at all. I mean honestly when she was saying all of that did she really expect me to see some kind of light with it? Well I don't know how she does it but the rest of the day I felt so positive.
Look I've heard it a million times. Angela you screwed up in life. Angela, you are a failure. Angela, you're a bad christian. Angela, you're a bad friend. Angela, you're a bad girlfriend. Angela, you suck. Yes, I know I've made bad mistakes and choices. I know I've screwed up big time. Really I'm just counting down the days til I get out of school. It's funny how you guys say I left church for school. If anything, I'd rather go to church than school. You don't know how hard it is to look at some of these pictures you guys post on here and try not to feel a sense of loss. I feel like I lost everything and some of the words I hear about me not attending to church anymore is just hurtful. You think I have fun at school and thats the life I chose? Read the story above, and tell me thats fun. Really. I can't go back to church though. I have nobody there. I really don't. Everyone I did have left. Or fell into some other clique. I don't know what to do. But why I felt so positive is because I know I only have 19 days left of this. Only 19. I can do it.
Recently we had to this 5 year letter project in health. Where we create packages to us and they send it to us in 5 years. It was probably the craziest experience ever. I felt like I only had 19 days to live. I was going to die soon and I had to sum up my life. The letter I wrote to myself was probably just as bad as the speech Miss Hanson gave to me but it was how I was feeling at the time, oh well. Over 30 friends wrote to me which actually made me really happy. That's so many letters. I was so blessed. Anyway, I went ahead and read them. (call me a cheater, im reading them in 5 years and i'll forget what they said anyway). Most of them said the same thing, probably the most positive words anyone has ever told me. It made me upset that I had to give up these letters for 5 years because I wish that I could keep them and look at them if I ever felt discouraged. My girl friends just wrote how upsetting it was to watch me get so hurt from a guy. It really hurt them to see that. Every word they said changed me, you don't even know. The guys wrote how special I was and how I didn't deserve [insert-name-here]. Jeff even apologized in his letter about him being a jerk in 8th grade but how blessed he was to be good friends. It made me really happy. It also felt like I died or something, but still it made me happy.
Now I really don't know why I keep telling you about this, but I just hope this gives you guys an understanding of what I am now. I'm not some whore who does lines off of Rolling Stones magazines in some druggie's apartment. I'm a girl who is counting down every day of block schedule until I can get out of that place. It really has sucked me in.
Leaving church: worst mistake ever made.
I made sure to write that to the letter to myself.
I do care.
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[08 Apr 2006|11:06pm] |
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have a party-mobb deep ft 50 cent & nate dogg |
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LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.
<3 :]!!!!
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[11 Mar 2006|05:42pm] |
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clap your hands say yeah |
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well i was writing this long entry, and then i realized how stupid LJ was, and it got deleted. but i'll try to make it as best i can.
ummm
okay last night
was great
and this whole week has been one of the best in like...my whole lifetime. Monday through Friday....man. Like, everyday was just so awesome and I can't even explain why, although alot of you know why. But last night was a good ending to a good week...so yeah.
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| i'm the new cancer && never looked better. |
[24 Feb 2006|04:48pm] |
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four kicks-kings of leon thanks to carlos |
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well it's funny how things can change so fast.
because now
i feel like i have never felt before.
i feel like theres a purpose in everyday.
i feel so loved
and theres no greater feeling then feeling like that.
now.
if i can just get this one thing to happen
this certain one thing
that everyone has been dying to happen
actually happen,
then i think i couldnt want anything else.
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[15 Feb 2006|10:57pm] |
valentines day=worst day ever.
thanks for making me feel like i was worthless.
but i have a good group of friends that helped me.
love sucks.
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| failurebydesign. |
[30 Jan 2006|03:27pm] |
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failure by design - brand new |
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So i'm at the library once again and it's like...that's all I do. I pretty much live here...just studying and trying to become better at things I sucked out. I have finals this week. I'm not worried. Ha, who am i kidding. Spanish and English finals are tomorrow. I'm not worried about English, but most definatly Spanish. I don't understand anything. I mean, yeah our teacher teaches us words and yes I have an A + on that part, butwhen it comes to forms of tener, ser, hablar...i'm lost. Eek.
but on a more personal note
I had to write this autobiographical essay for English, and my teacher pulled me aside and told me it made her cry. I wrote about how Sarah left, and how I had to compete to be her friend, I wrote how some days I'd feel like the worst person cause I couldn't make my own best friend love me. It's not all that depressing and stuff it's just really like...painful. It was hard to write too.
Last night a student at Downey killed themself. Well, they tried hanging themself on a tree at Apollo Park but someone found him in the middle of the night, and he was pronounced dead...yet. He won't make it, his body is suffering too much. The news was brought to my bio teacher, out of nowhere she started to break down and cry and the class just paused in silence. That's like 4 people to die in not even a year. My bio teacher was crying because she never would think of that like him. She said, "It's hard to think how blind I can be" I guess what she meant was that she may have questioned this student but never did anything about it. That must really hit hard. When you could of saved someone...man. Well I must go and study for spanish, ciao.
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| brothers on a hotel bed. |
[24 Jan 2006|12:08pm] |
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well i guess this thing is sort of coming back. but let me tell you, i'm at school. and im about to come home because i have too many finals to study for.
incase anyone cares...
The last time I have wrote on this thing was December 21st. A lot has happened since then. Let me start off by saying that I've grown to hate school. Well no let me rephrase. I've grown to hate drama that happens at school. He didn't want me, he showed it. He told me to "eff off" and ignored me for a week. I missed school because of it and the next day theres 50 rumors flying around about me, and 75% of the school has heard at least one of them. But it didn't matter because everyone was on my side. Funny how that happens. Of couse theyre gonna take my side. If he told the 100% truth (which he did) he would be admitting to be a jerk, which he did. No duh, everyone is gonna take my side. Now we're good friends. How did this happen? I honestly want to know. I can never get my way it seems, well actually I can, just not about boys. But this boy phase with him...ever since September....what a waste of time.
I'm pretty much doing a crappy job in school right now.
I have came back to the Burn after a freaking terribly water polo time, and a stressful dance period but hey it's good to be back.
Last night, I went to Chile's with a group of people I barely hang out with but guess what. IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE. The only people out of me "crew" were like, Grace, Valerie and Jenna. But the whole group...Patricia, Michael, Jasmine oh my gosh all of you. I never laughed so hard in my life, and you could pretty much imagine how that went down.
But nonetheless, I am loving life although High School is like...decreasing its happiness. but hey its just school, not my life.
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| overview. |
[21 Dec 2005|01:42pm] |
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moonlight sonata-beethoven |
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i only have about 5 minutes to update this, but i felt like writing. uhm. I developed a love for writing and reading. Photography just didn't seem to like me. I always tried too hard, i just wasn't good enough. Plus my camera is broken, hence no pictures. I love reading, and I love writing, and I feel although people don't see eye to eye with me on my writing pieces, I think the general idea can be understood and even be taken into relation with their problems. I'm getting ready for somewhere I agreed to go to, and I really don't want to go. He'll be there, and he'll only make things worst. I went to the mall with him friday, him and my old love interest. It was the most akward thing in my life. After that...I don't think I want to be around him much. So why did I agree on going to the movies with him today? Whatever, i'm gonna go get ready.
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[30 Nov 2005|07:34pm] |
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finding out true love is blind-louisxiv. |
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uhm, so all of a sudden livejournal died eh?
ciao.
oh btw, for anyone who was keeping up with the story...here's the new response:
"i would, but im afraid it will ruin what we have"
"you have a chance"
wtf. thanks.
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[26 Nov 2005|11:54pm] |
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december 4th-jay z |
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these guys. are so. awesome.
life is good.
life is also short.
in the good words of tim mcgraw.
live like you were dying.
i miss all of you. ill be at church tomorrow, so please, forget about the times i couldnt make it, and make this one good.
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| im a real oG. |
[25 Nov 2005|09:35pm] |
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shake -ying yang twins ft pitbull. |
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i think though sometime life has thrown me some curveballs this past month.
im starting to see that it was all worth it.
all that confusing boy drama.
has all just paid off.
<3
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[21 Nov 2005|06:07pm] |
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50 cent - hate it or love it |
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doing the right thing
never felt so wrong.
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[20 Nov 2005|04:21pm] |
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gone-kanye west |
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i swear im the biggest black-washed girl ever. if it werent for marlon introducing me to kanye west in seventh grade, i have no idea where i would be right now, fa sho.
countdown to being the bigger person: 27 days.
holy frick.
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[17 Nov 2005|07:28pm] |
so i play waterpolo for DHS.
how pimp.
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[13 Nov 2005|12:11am] |
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rilo kiley. |
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i love them.
i love him.
i love them.
i love him
i love life.
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[06 Nov 2005|08:34pm] |
let's give a round of applause to angela.
she blew her first chance with a guy.!
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[28 Oct 2005|04:24pm] |
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hot hot heat <3 |
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Well whoever said i'm "drifting from DFCC". why dont you shove it. seriously. im so fed up because i knew that was going to be said, and i knew that people we're going to think that by the appearance OF MY LIVEJOURNAL & MYSPACE. you have to be kidding me. to rely my life based on a MYSPACE. so i cant make it to the burn anymore, and i cant go to the battles anymore...everyone already knew that and understood the choice i had to make. i cant even wonder why anyone would think that of me. geez. it only makes sense. im at school most of the time therefore i see my school friends more.
ALRIGHT SO LUNCH WAS EXTENDED TODAAYY AGAIN! SO WE HAD A FUN LUNCH. and tonight was the DOWNEY VS. WARREN GAMEEE. i had so much fun, like i cant even describe I LOVE MY FRIENDS SO MUCH. omg it was so effing pimp. it was me, jenna, courtney, marlon, carlos, alex, valerie, shanon, katelyn, joe, matt, zach, alda, pedro the usuals. and we partied and had fun and omg it was so PIMP HOW WE WON THE GAME. PSSSHHH YEAH. we were loud and proud cause we're full OF DOWNEY SPIRIT. WOOT WOOT VIKINGS.
( DOWNEY VS WARREN. )
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[25 Oct 2005|04:18pm] |
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fall out boy. |
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updates-
- i like this guy...
-i really suck at school
-i love PE
- I lost 13 pounds
-i effing love friday night football games
-WARREN HIGH CAR BASH TOMORROW.!!!
-warren vs downey football game friday<3
- i really love led zeppelin
-i love country too
-i finally got the new fallout boy cd, finally finally finally and its one of my favorite cds by far
-i love myspace, whatcha gonna do bout it
-my sister is the best
-i love jenna
-i hate geometry
-i have a geometry tutor
-i love library mondays
-i LOVE BALLET
-and i love life. :)
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